Below is a little ditty I threw together, with an alternate ending.  The words in bold were on the list.

Divergence

“We have to adjust,” he said from behind his morning newspaper.  “We have to move on.”

“How about pumpkin curry lentil soup tonight?” she said, ignoring him.

“It was a mistake.”

She glanced at him and opened the spice cabinet.

“Now where is that turmeric?”

“How long is this going to go on?” He lowered his paper and watched her.

A spider crawled along the floorboard near her foot.

Her ears were ringing. God she wanted a smoke.

“It’s like a life sentence here, babe.”

“Oh, here it is.” She swiped the spice bottle off the shelf.

“You couldn’t possibly think I meant to do it.” His voice was getting more intense, frantic.
She stared at the spider.

“Great, now we’ve got an audience,” she thought.

She crushed the spider with her bare foot and turned toward the far counter. The turmeric bottle slipped from her hand, breaking on the tile floor.  Tears welled up in her eyes as she grabbed the dish towel and bent to scoop up the mess.

“Hon, let me help you.” He was crouching near her, hand on her back.

She recoiled, pushing back against the cabinets. Weeping, she sat, pulling her knees to her chest, staring at the floor.  The beige floor.  Beige tiles.  Beige wallpaper.  Beige ceiling. Who the hell put all this beige in here?  It’s so damned…beige.

He finished wiping up the mess and tossed the dishrag into the washroom.  Turning to the breakfast table, he lit the candle.  She used to love candles.

She watched him blow out the match.  A tear ran down his cheek.

But, she didn’t care anymore.

He had killed her baby.

Alternate Ending:

He finished wiping up the mess and tossed the dishrag into the washroom.

Suddenly she farted loudly. I mean, amazingly so.  He lit a match and they both had a big laugh and made dinner together.

A glorious sunset at the end of the day?
An intoxicating maiden ready to play?

The smoke of a rare cigar?
Or maybe a really cool car?

To some you are evil,
To some you are kind.

But, whatever you are
You will always be

My beverage of choice
Occasionally.

photo credit: Amarand Agasi

In raw moments
A stare, a thought,
A pain, a word.

Disillusionment is granted
To a psyche
Struggling against it;

A drought of kindred souls
Settles hard,
Clattering, reverberating,

In disconnection
Heart from heart
Blunting all desire.

A torn abyss
An aged child-heart
Wanting a Just escape.

4. Fuzzy head or neck warmer at night. Especially those nights you need sleep the most.

3. After you feed them, guys, you can have the pleasure of being ignored by someone other than your spouse. That is, until they want their ears scratched and are overcome with an insatiable desire to kneed your leg until it bleeds.

2. Furry substitute for a hot-water bottle. If you are lucky enough to have a cat select your lap for a sleeping spot, ladies, say hello to the feline furball during those monthly rough times.

1. If you have indoor cats and, thus, a litter box: free snacks for your dog. It’s like almond rocha, only slightly less crunchy.

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1. Buy yourself a Lazy-Boy recliner. Better yet, pick one up at the dump. As long as it is operational and doesn’t smell too bad you’re good. Any stains on it simply add to its comfort.
2. Give up losing the television remote. Instead pick up an extra one and stash it somewhere only you know about. It would be advisable to get a little holster for it so that immediately after use (for the short few moments you find a show you’ll actually watch for more than 30 seconds – aka, Nascar, football, fishing, hunting) you can stow it on your belt.

   This will help reduce the theft-while-reaching-for-your-beer incidents and insure you will never have to leave your lazy boy to look for the original remote (which is never in a place that even slightly resembles a location you would find a remote, like on the first-aid shelf).

3. Pamper Your Spouse. Make sure she has plenty of lotions, bath beads, etc., with which she can pamper herself. While she is soaking in the tub, sipping on her favorite glass of wine (all of which you will provide), you have free range with the remote.
4. Hide your favorite t-shirt. You know, the one you’ve had since
   the 9th grade; the one you’ve had to duct tape the shoulders of so it won’t fall off; that all important most-comfortable-shirt-in-the-world your wife can’t stand? The one you know you still look awesome in?
5. Schedule time with your shirt. Once a month give your lovely spouse a trip to the manicurist, massage therapist or her favorite activity of choice. This will give you some live-in-the-moment times with your beer, favorite t-shirt and remote.

   If you can’t afford this, make a deal with your best buddy to get your wives together for a significant period of time at least once a month. Then you’ll have someone to not talk with while you enjoy T.V. and beer together. The downside is you may have to share control of the remote. I recommend buying a timer so each of you knows when your turn is up.

   If you wanna drink foreign beer, like Budweiser, that’s cool. Just know what your doing when you buy, ok?

6. Put the toilet lid down. Every time. You may just get lucky if you do this often enough, if you catch my drift.
7. Find a place of solitude every once in a while. This will usually involve some implement like a fishing pole, shotgun, jet ski, scuba gear, dirt bike or some such thing.

   Heck, even duct-taping a beer cooler to the back of your riding mower would work.

   I am fortunate to live in the country and thus have a lot of grass I can mow. When my wife asks how long it’ll take to mow I usually answer in beer: “I think I’ll do about four beers worth today, hon’.”

8. Do some man shopping. As often as possible, make an excuse to visit Home Depot, Bass Pro Shops or similar stores. Give yourself at least several hours for each store. It’s all about dreaming and living in the moment. I would advise thanking your spouse for the time away with a massage and another bath.

Now, it is important to remember that just like the Buddhist’s Eight-Fold Path, this list is not to be followed in any particular order (though it would be advisable to start with #1). It is meant to be followed in a circular fashion – no beginning, no end. Each item presents opportunity for growth at anytime and each feeds into and relies upon the others.

Seriously speaking, men: do enjoy yourselves. But, love your wife and kids first. Spend time with them and never forget the small things.

Your job is to serve and love your spouse and invest the best you have in raising the children that have been loaned to you from The Big Guy. We never know when our time is up, so make each day count with those you love.

Now, go pour on some love!

photo credits: Velo Steve, Eric Hamilton, dailydose

Is it pretty?

Does it look good?

It don’t make my butt look big do it?

Simon (sitting on couch) while Wiggles is playing with curtain.

Simon: Wiggles, no. Stop that.

Wiggles looks at Simon while laying on her back, nails from all four paws deeply ensconced in the curtain fabric.

Simon (walks over and picks Wiggles up): Wiggles, no. You don’t do that (he places her on his lap on the sofa).

Wiggles jumps off Simon’s lap and resumes playing with curtain.

Simon is helping carry groceries in from the van. Limey wants attention and indicates so by meowing and rubbing up against and between Simon’s legs as he walks. His arms are loaded with groceries.

Simon: Limey, don’t get between my legs when I am walking.

Limey: meows and purrs.

Simon puts grocery bags down, pets Limey for a few minutes, picks grocery bags up and continues walking toward front door.

Simon: I have ice cream in these bags. I have to get them into the house.

Limey returns to meowing, purring and getting between Simon’s legs. Simon stumbles his way into the front door, worried about hurting Limey.

Dad and Simon are watching a movie. There is a dog in the movie.

Simon: I think I am more of a dog person.

Dad: Why is that?

Simon: Because dogs do what they are told and come when you call them.

Dad: Yes, cats do have a mind of their own.

Simon: And cats only want attention when they want it, not all the time like dogs.

Dad: I am a cat and dog person.

Simon: Well, I just don’t understand you, Dad.

End with dad laughing and giving Simon a side hug.

photo credits: Wesley Oostvogel ,iklash

An ache, a fear,
A deep tearing

The world wants nothing
Of our pain

Our bewilderment
Our melancholy

No, it must be
Success and glory

Positive thoughts and
Proper words

But what if,
Just what if for

A few moments, days
Or weeks

The searing gorge inside
Is too deep

To hide, to avoid,
To pretend,

To find humor, joy
Peace, relief

What then will
The world do?

And will that image
Ever materialize?